you can all just kiss off into the air.

2006-07-20 / 2:26 p.m.

Thursday Thirteen
Here are some discarded options for the theme I chose this week: 13 Things I Saw on My Walk to the Market Today (e.g., a clear baggie of dog shit sitting on someone's retaining wall), Thirteen Things the Brit Says on a Regular Basis (e.g., "What's wrong with me, Mummy?"), 13 All Time Greatest Purchases (e.g., Rumpshaker sweatshirt).

I could swear I've written about most of the following before, but can't find the entries I imagine I've written. So let me give you 13 Concerts I Have Attended.

1. Cyndi Lauper (with The Bangles). This must always be mentioned first, because it is the first concert I ever saw, in 1985. I have the hot pink ticket stub somewhere in my file cabinet. My friend and I were chaperoned by her dad, who wittily asked us if we'd like to borrow his Sharpie to use as eyeliner, so that we'd look like the other girls at the show.

2. Bruce Springsteen (Tunnel of Love tour). Many of the concerts I saw between 1985 and 1992 were not so much about my rabid fanhood and were more about accidents--id est, someone had an extra ticket and asked me if I wanted to go and I said okay. I got totally into Springsteen at the concert, though.

I was wearing a cropped red shirt, pleated houndstooth pants, and red espadrilles. Someone had left blue gum on the bottom of my seat, and it wound up on my pants. I was with MMK, it was May 1988, and we were 13 and 12, respectively. I had my first beer at this concert, thanks to the old biker hippies sitting next to us, who needed zero persuasion as regards procurement. We were also fed root beer schnapps from their binoculars flask. To be fair to the hippie megafans, we probably looked more like 15 year olds.

3. I am skipping over a few travesties (Sting, Belinda Carlisle, the Monkees) to go straight to Red Hot Chili Peppers (with Pearl Jam and Smashing Pumpkins). I realize this is going to hurt some of you deep inside where you're soft like a woman, but I did not ever get into so-called grunge (yes, I am aware that it's a bullshit moniker of convenience). I had zero interest in Nirvana and because I'd missed the reign of hair bands anyway, I did not appreciate the significance of the new order ushered in by the release of "Smells Like Teen Spirit." This is in contrast to my friend LA, who remembers where she was when she first heard it and thinking "everything is going to change." Where was I? Probably moaning along with 10,000 Maniacs. Just kidding. Sort of.

Anyway, I thought the opening acts sucked, and apparently they weren't that famous yet because they weren't headlining and I hadn't really heard of them (I was also not very plugged in to the scene in high school). I recall Smashing Pumpkins being booed, and Billy Corgan saying "This is entertainment, not abuse," which became a catchphrase in my social circle during my senior year.

I *was* into RHCP, though. Looking back, they were probably more wanky than Smashing Pumpkins, but in a different way. RHCP was by far the "hardest" thing I listened to in those days, which were dominated by melancholy, super-melodic alternapop.

4. The Lilith Fair. At least I went to the first one, before they tried to make it into a big crazy womanpalooza franchise. I was basically there to see Sarah McLachlan. And the Indigo Girls. I mostly remember Jewel yodelling, though, which I know I've mentioned at least once on this blog. The yodelling made up for a lot. All of the Lilith Fair music, incidentally, is pretty much dead to me at this point--not that I hate it, I just can't resurrect any enthusiasm for it. It was very 1997.

5. The Roots. I have seen the Roots, I think, thrice, and each time was amazing. They are fucking great live: inventive, rowdy, entertaining. No complaints here and no disavowal of past musical tastes.

6. Outkast. I have seen Outkast twice (pre "Hey Ya!") and both times thought they were great but slick and hype-y. Both times they were preceded by the Roots, which may have affected my opinion.

7. Rock for Democracy concert. This was at First Ave in 2004, almost exactly two years ago, in the thick of my internet dating extravaganza. I'd invited some dude to come meet me at the show (with my friends); we'd been on two completely chaste dates, and I pretty much knew I didn't LIKE him-like him, but he was fun and he had the coolest job ever, as a book designer. However, he flaked and I never heard from him again, so I scalped his ticket. Then I ran into an old (now-married) college crush who admired and boosted me, and then I went in to hear the Jayhawks and a sloppy set by Golden Smog and some other bands. And the mayor of Mpls did a stage dive.

8. LOTS of Tina and the B-Side Movement shows. This was a local band that sounded weak on recordings and was super-fun and lesbotastic live. They used to do a great cover of "Back in Black."

9. My boyfriend's band. Lots of these, lately. At one show a few weeks ago--a late show, with about 10 people in the club--some little chick ran in front of the stage flashing her tits. The best part is that no one in the band saw it until they watched the (archival) DVD the following week. Very rock, however.

10. Dick Dale. I don't think I blogged about this, but it was another hilarious perk of my boyfriend's job. I have never seen so many fat white guys in Hawaiian shirts just standing around in my life.

11. Andrew Bird (opening for Magnetic Fields). Life-changingly good, and I have missed him every time he's come to town since then. He'll be here in two weeks and I'll be embarking upon my family vaycaycay odyssey.

12. Ska. One of my high school friends was in a ska band in the 90s, so I saw a bunch of her shows, including one big ska festival in my college town, and I just couldn't get down with it, though I tried. I find it pretty monotonous. My sister Em had a horrible roommate in college who had shit musical taste, one piece of evidence being her Christian ska CD entitled "Skalleluia!"

13. Feist. The only show I've seen solo, unless you count all the times I've sat at my own bar table listening to the Brit's band. I would call this one life-changingly good too. You can read all about it here. The Brit charmed me by downloading a bunch of Feist after our first or second date and admitting that it was good, though he may just have been trying to get in my pants. He already had an all-access pass at that point.

Laaa!
Maven.

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